Lonely in a foreign country (My story of living in Brazil)
Written by: Bassel Awwad Sheikh Hasan
Unlike most people who come to Brazil, my journey here has been quite different since day one because instead of coming here for a specific purpose like tourism, education, or conducting a business, I basically got here just to flee the war that was occurring in my country Syria and I ran out of any other option that could get me where I wanted to be.
After arriving here in March 2018, I thought I would finally be able to have a decent life and go through a journey to be an adult, right? I was quite wrong about most of what I had expected.
From the moment I had arrived until 9 months later, I never managed to be stable at any job because I was forced to work with Arabs that hire without contracts so they could fire you at any second and you can't do a thing. Therefore, I got fired multiple times without any justified reason which affected negatively on my mental health which I was already struggling with due to anxiety and depression.
Despite the fact I started meeting nice people here & there during that time, nothing in my life had changed, I couldn't find a job, feel connected to people , the culture, nor anything else, because I have a different taste in music, jokes, & attitude which is completely different than the locals' and this led to many people getting out of my life without saying if I was doing something wrong or not which made me extremely frustrated.
The first stable job I had (Security Guard at a wholesaler) contributed even more to the lack of hope because I wasn't hired in a position based on my experience, an increase in the level of anxiety, and it got so bad that I had a panic attack due to the pressure I was dealing with there.
In addition, I would cry every once and a while due to the depression I was experiencing thanks to the awful job I was forced to take due to the lack of options as a foreigner.
Luckily, having a couple of amazing friends such as Karyn, and Rosi literally saved my life from such thoughts.
Even though I wholeheartedly enjoy having such an amazing company, I feel lonely all the time especially during holiday season because I am far away from my parents, my sister and brothers which I miss them a lot.
For example, when I would go to a karaoke bar with Karyn to perform a metal song, her friends would ask her behind my back: Why does he look so angry? Is there something wrong with him? This by itself has proven me multiple times that I don't belong here in any shape or form.
You might be asking if you feel like that all the time, why don't you go out to where your brothers live?! Unfortunately that's not as easy it sounds; my passport won't grant me any visa even if I have all the required documents.
I know by getting a new citizenship will help me to do so but will my brain and soul handle the constant pressure and loneliness? I hope so because I can't wait until I see my brothers for the first time in nearly 11 years and start constructing my life in the way I want not the way I am forced to accept.
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